just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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