if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
