i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
