So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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