craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I made him laugh his dick is mine
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
