it was like his penis was on wheels.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
