I wanna bring you to show and tell
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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