Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
