i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
