Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Plan B is the new Plan A
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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