Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
