I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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