i just google imaged poop.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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