I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
