hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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