I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I love how my cats smell like pot.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
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