he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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