It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
