well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
