You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
