New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
