Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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