I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
