I smell stomach acid.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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