In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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