I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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