I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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