Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
