Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
