The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
