how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
