Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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