It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I've blown a few things in my day
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
