I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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