i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
