as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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