Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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