I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
