What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
