I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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