Got a toothbrush?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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