he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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