I just saw a hot homeless man
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
