Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
