So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
