Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
