shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
