She went from zero to smokin in five shots
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Boobs are out for the taking
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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