you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
