Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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