Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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