So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we're making bets on your personal life
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
