u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
