I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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