whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
