Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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