The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
