Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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