We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I feel great
I just peed on a car
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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