i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize