Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
