no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So many bounce houses so little time
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
